Satan calls his therapist

Hi Doc. It’s me again. I really thought I had something good going here. The humans were forsaking God, they were really getting behind my church, Hell (chuckle), I was even able to get a statue built in one of their more faithful cities. It’s just getting out of hand.

They’re caught up in some petty human drama that has nothing to do with me. It’s great in some ways because of all of the demogorgues and false profit, but they’re even forgetting about me. I’ve used politics for plenty of personal gain, but it’s even overwhelming the Final Battle and the Apocalypse.

Look, I’m really sorry about the last visit. I didn’t realize you’d take the possession of your daughter so personally. I’ve talked to Crowley and he’ll leave her be. Please don’t worry, her boils will heal and I have a great life hack for getting green out of things.

Please stop ignoring my messages and please return my calls. I hope to hear from you soon. Oh, it’s me Satan.

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